JOTD: Joke Of The Day - Page 9 - Snowmobile Forum: Your #1 Snowmobile Forum

**smallengineguy** · 06-09-2008, 07:24 AM

Good stuff!

mx and sled 41 · 06-17-2008, 10:42 AM

On a golf tour in Newfoundland, Tiger Woods drives his new Ford Fusion into a gas station in a remote outport. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Newfoundlander manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is. "How's she cuttin' bye" says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground. "What are dose?" Asks the attendant. "They're called tees" replies Tiger. "Well, what on god's earth are dey for?" inquires the attendant. "They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger. "Fookin Jaysus", says the Newfoundlander, "Ford tinks of everyting!!!!!"

mx and sled 41 · 06-17-2008, 10:49 AM

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she placed an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked hard and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town on Saturday night. He returned around 2:30 am, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. "Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. "Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor. Then she looked at him and said: "If you ever wear my clothes into town again,you're fired!"

**RJ Gleason** · 06-18-2008, 08:39 AM

^^^^^^^^^^
repost!!!!

mx and sled 41 · 06-19-2008, 08:39 AM

oops

sorry guys... this threads too long i can never remember what was at the beginning...
i didnt even get those from here either.... that sucks...

**RJ Gleason** · 06-19-2008, 08:53 AM

No problem, it happens.

ptrapper65 · 09-11-2008, 09:16 PM

Here is a safe little joke that will make you chuckle...

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. 'You know what?' says the 6 year old. 'I think it's about time we started cussing. The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, 'When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass.' The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, 'Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.'WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him
in his room and shouts, 'You can stay there until I let you out!'

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, 'And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?' I don't know, he blubbers, 'but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!'

cvanmarter · 09-12-2008, 07:39 AM

ha ha ha ha ha ha h aha

**RJ Gleason** · 09-26-2008, 02:17 PM

Three disabled men, a blind man, an amputee, and a man in a wheelchair, are flying back with the USA team from the Paralympic games in the Middle East when their plane crashes in the Sahara Desert. The three disabled men, the only survivors, are now stranded and wait for someone to rescue them, but no one shows.

They start to get real thirsty, so they decide to seek out water. The amputee leads the way, with the blind man pushing the man in the wheelchair;. Eventually they find an oasis.
The amputee leader goes into the water first, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he has a NEW LEG!
He gets excited and encourages his friends to do the same.

The blind man offers to push the guy in the wheelchair, but he is refused. The man in the chair is skeptical and insists the blind man goes ahead first. So he goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he can SEE!

Now the man in the wheelchair is getting really excited and starts pushing with all his might. He goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, and wheels out the other side. Lo and behold ... NEW TIRES!

big bore king · 09-26-2008, 08:47 PM

A man and his wife are shopping when they pass a display of beer, 24 beers for $ 10.00. The husband picks up a case and puts it in the cart. His wife asks him what he's doing, and tells him to put it back as they can't afford it. Regreatfully he puts it back and they continue shopping. When they reach the cosmetics aisle the wife grabs a $ 20.00 bottle of face cream. The husband asks what it is, and his wife replys that its the cream that makes her so beautiful. the husband replys so does 24 beers, and its half the price.

harofreak · 10-07-2008, 02:47 PM

So a horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "why the long face"???
lol
How do you make a kleenex dance???
Put a lil boogie in it... lol

cvanmarter · 10-07-2008, 02:51 PM

Ha ha ha Boogie in it I'm gonna tell my kids that one tonight..

harofreak · 10-10-2008, 12:02 PM

Bill worked in a pickle factory.
He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day
to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion.
He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.

'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked.

'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?'

'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed.

'Yes, I did.' he replied.

'My God, Bill, what happened?'

'I got fired.'

'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?'

'Oh...she got fired too.'

harofreak · 10-10-2008, 12:02 PM

A couple had been married for 50 years.

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.'

'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.'

'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'

Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'

'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal

Skligmund · 10-10-2008, 07:47 PM

Both alreayd posted a couple pages back... Still funny though.

driftrunner · 10-25-2008, 03:47 PM

how many kids with A.D.D does it take to screw in a lightbulb?......wanna go ride bikes?

An elderly couple had been together for 50 years, but one day the husband passed away.

The old woman was so stricken with greif that she decided to shoot herself in the heart so that she could join her husband in heaven .

So she phoned the doctor and asked him were her heart was, and he told her that it would be located behind her left breast.

The next day she checked into the hospital with a gunshot wound to her left knee.

JheLrey · 11-09-2008, 07:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by New2This

I have a question. I just bought a 1997 polaris indy 440 and was wondering if I have to use the Polaris brand oil for the fuel injection? This is my first time owning a snowmachine and don't want to ruin my sled the first time I put oil in it.

YOU AGAIN!!! THIS IS THE THIRD TIME READING THIS SAME CRAP! ENOUGH!

Skligmund · 11-10-2008, 11:58 AM

Huh? ^^^^^

harofreak · 11-10-2008, 09:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skligmund

Both alreayd posted a couple pages back... Still funny though.

lol sorry, i got that in an email a bit back... just wanted to share, whats this guy with the 440?? theres a polaris area!!! and an engine area!!! this is a joke area!!

How many sf.com members does it take to steer a guy to the right thread??
perhaps all of them:P
just playin

TATARIN · 11-21-2008, 05:42 PM

In the morning the wife tells to the husband: - Today such dream saw: I go as-as if I on a market, and on counters one members are on sale. On five roubles, on ten... It was pleasant To me for twenty and I have bought it. The husband: - Mine, likely. The wife: - Aha, you for 15 copecks a bunch were on sale! The husband to a kind has not submitted, and about itself thinks: "Well" next morning the husband tells to the wife: - Today such dream saw: As-as if New year, and I dress up a fur-tree. Instead of toys - one п%зды. From below it is more, in середке averages, and on top such small Wife: - Washing, likely. The husband: - Aha, in yours the fur-tree stood!!