wal mart shoppers - Snowmobile Forum: Your #1 Snowmobile Forum

lasher49 · 11-09-2006, 03:18 PM

Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired, and Mrs. Fenton insists her husband
> > go with her to Wal-Mart. He gets so bored with all the
> > shopping trips. She then gets this letter from Wal-Mart:
> >
> > Dear Mrs. Fenton,
> >
> > Over the past six months, your husband has been
> > causing quite a commotion in our store. We can not tolerate this
> > behavior and may ban both of you from our stores. We have documented
> > all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. All complaints
> > against Mr. Fenton are listed below.
> >
> > Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in
> > Wal-Mart:
> >
> > 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them
> > in people's carts when they weren't looking.
> >
> > 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at
> > 5-minute intervals.
> >
> > 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to
> > the ladies rest rooms.
> >
> > 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an
> > official tone, 'Code 3' in house wares..... and watched what
> > happened.
> >
> > 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag
> > of M&M's on layaway.
> >
> > 6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a
> > carpeted area.
> >
> > 7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and
> > told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring
> > pillows from the bedding department.
> >
> > 8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he
> > begins to cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
> >
> > 9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as
> > a mirror, and picked his nose.
> >
> > 10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked
> > the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
> >
> > 11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly
> > humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
> >
> > 12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his
> > "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
> >
> > 13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse
> > through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
> >
> > 14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
> > assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those
> > voices again!!!!"
> >
> > And last, but not least
> >
> > 15. December 23: Went into a fitting room,
> > shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly,
> > "There is no toilet paper in here!"
>

I_R_Josh · 11-09-2006, 04:40 PM

that gives me some ideas

**RJ Gleason** · 11-10-2006, 02:44 AM

That's a riot>

Good way to cure the wife from taking him shopping too.

**RJ Gleason** · 11-10-2006, 03:49 PM

Fridays in Hell

One day a guy died and found himself in hell. As he was wallowing in despair, he had his first meeting with a demon.

The demon asked, "Why so glum?"

The guy responded, "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

"Hell's not so bad," the demon said. "We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?"

"Sure," the man said, "I love to drink."

"Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet Tab and Fresca We drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!"

The guy is astounded. "Damn, that sounds great."

"You a smoker?" the demon asked.

"You better believe it!"

"You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out! . If you get cancer, no biggie. You're already dead, remember?"

"Wow, the guy said, "that's awesome!"

The demon continued. "I bet you like to gamble."

"Why yes, as a matter of fact I do"

"Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, well, you're dead anyhow. You into drugs?"

The guy said, "Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don't mean . . ."

"That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares!"

"Wow," the guy said, starting to feel better about his situation, "I never realized Hell was such a cool place!"

The demon said, "You gay?"

"No."

"Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays!"

GlenB · 11-10-2006, 03:53 PM

LOL!

All new meaning to TGIF.

skidoo_magoo · 11-10-2006, 05:18 PM

that was hilarious! 3 was kinda gross though haha

Kemo · 11-10-2006, 05:47 PM

best thing in walmart is to go to the sporting goods, grab a fishing rod that actually has LINE on the reel, and cast into random aisles.

**RJ Gleason** · 11-17-2006, 03:59 PM

Pregnant blonde........

My wife, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway, the
other day, just jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping for
joy but I thought, what the heck and I starting jumping up and down
along with her. When she said, "Honey,

I have some really great news for you!"

I said, "Great. Tell me what you're so happy about."

She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up
and down, when she told me that she was pregnant!

I was ecstatic! We had been trying for a while, so I grabbed her and
kissed her on the lips and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be
happier!"

Then, she said "Oh, honey. There's more."

I asked, "What do you mean 'more'?"

She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have
TWINS!" Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I
Asked her how she knew. She said,

(You're going to love this!)

"Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and bought the
twin-pack home pregnancy test kit and both tests came out positive!"